I’m thinking about a permanent solution to birth control. The solution I’m thinking of is non-reversible, which means once I decide to do it, there’s no changing my mind or going back. I will be rendered incapable of bearing children, ever.
I’m going to be thirty-five next week, and I know that I don’t want to have children – I’ve actually known for quite some time, but I’ve given myself the leeway to change my mind. I think I’ve come to the conclusion, though, that my mind is made up.
My decision to not have children is not something my doctor’s office wants to hear, simply because I’ve never been pregnant, and never had children of my own. “Keep your options open,” they’ve said to me in the past. “Don’t make an irreversible decision.” “You never know.” “You’re still young.” “There’s still time.”
Um, thank you, but I DO know. I know that as far as I’m concerned, I DO have kids of my own, who are grown, and I don’t want to start all over again with a newborn just because of some misguided notion that, as a woman, I’m supposed to want to have a child that is biologically mine. It’s odd how the medical community regards a woman making a decision like this during her child-bearing years. As if I’m young enough to bear a child, but too young to make a permanent decision NOT to.
I’m allowed to make that decision, and it doesn’t make me less of a woman. It doesn’t bar me from the ranks of parenthood, because Michael and Marie are every bit as much my kids as they are Calvin’s and their mom’s.
Well. I talked all about the decision to not have a baby, here. No need to re-hash it, now. My reasoning and line of thought is still the same, even five(!) years later.
Anyway. The option I’m considering is Essure. It works by implanting tiny coils into the fallopian tubes. The body grows tissue around the coils, thereby sealing off the tubes and preventing any of Calvin’s swimmers from getting frisky with my eggs. There’s no hormones, no surgery, even anesthesia isn’t required. Total time in and out of the doctor’s office is around 45 minutes, and there’s next to no recovery time needed. It’s even covered by my insurance.
I’m damned tired of being on the pill – I’ve been taking it since I was sixteen. And I’m damned tired of the side effects the pill causes. I’ve tried other forms of birth control (shots, inserts) but they all effect me even worse than the pill. And, at the risk of oversharing, condoms aren’t my thing. So. Essure looks like it might be the right option for me.
If I can just convince my doctor – they’ve even suggested that I might want to go to a therapist first to REALLY make sure I’m making the right decision, which I kind of resent, to be honest. That just infers that there’s something mentally wrong with me – a woman, who doesn’t want to have children.
My mind is made up, and I think I’m okay with my decision. Though I reserve the right to feel regret. As I said in that entry I referenced, there’s positive and negative aspects to this decision, and just because I have made up my mind not to have children doesn’t remove any sadness that I might feel about it.
Life is complicated, sometimes.