There she goes, talking about food again.

Posted: December 28, 2010 in Drama, Food, Holiday, Memory Lane
Tags: , , ,

But I mean, well, GOD! Look at that, would you? We had that for our Christmas dinner and everybody FELL ON THE FLOOR DEAD, it was that good. And the gravy? That was supposed to be au jus but I thickened it? Was the BEST DAMNED GRAVY I have EVER made. I would totally take a bath in that gravy. And lick it all off when I got out.

(Head’s up, this is where the swearing and the all caps starts.)

Oh, ha. Speaking of gravy. Did I ever tell you guys this story? Back when Bill and I first got together – like, the first MONTH we were together, we were making fried chicken for dinner. He asked me if I knew how to make gravy. At that time, I did not. Because:

1. My ex didn’t like gravy (I KNOW, RIGHT);
2. My Grandmother had never taught me because she was the Gravy Maker Extraordinare and Get Thee Hence From My Kitchen You Amateur;
3. I usually stuck with buffalo wings and plates of asparagus when I was single;
4. I was 23 years old. How many 23-year-olds do you know that know how to make gravy from scratch, I ask you?

So. We’re in the kitchen, puzzling until our puzzlers were sore. He looked at me, looked at the drippings, looked at the phone, and visibly came to a decision. As I watched in growing HORROR, he picked up the phone, DIALED HIS EX-WIFE (who wasn’t actually officially “ex” yet, at the time) and ASKED HER HOW TO MAKE GRAVY. I could hear her incredulous, “You’re kidding, right?” from across the kitchen. But, here’s the thing. She told him, step by step, and didn’t include such waylaying ingredients as, oh, say, HEMLOCK. Which was nice. BUT, she told him in a mocking manner that was all, “Oh HO, you’re new pretty little plaything doesn’t know how to do EVERYTHING that makes you happy, does she?” Which was NOT nice. I don’t blame her, but still. Hey now.

(Of course, if I have to teach Bill’s next little chippie how to make my meatloaf, I’m gonna be all, “… and then you add a half-cup of chopped pickled herring… yes really! Trust me…”)

Anyway. He hung up, I beat him about the head and shoulders, and we made a passable gravy. And then, OH AND THEN, BY GOD, I learned how to make fucking gravy. BETTER gravy. Absolutely fucking AWESOME goddamn motherfucking gravy.

(End swearing/all caps zone.)


New Year’s Eve is upon us. We are foregoing the partying, but probably not foregoing the hangover. Just gonna hang at home and watch movies, and feed whoever shows up. Here’s the planned nosh, in case you need some inspiration for your own festivities:

Bruchetta with toast points
Buffalo Chicken Dip, with tortilla chips and celery
Cheese Enchilada Chowder
– Finger sandwiches (chicken salad, ham, whatnot)
Four Bean Salad
– Chips and pretzels and whatnot

Of course, if you happen to be in the area, you can drop on by! Pajamas are encouraged. Pants are optional.

  1. iamheatherjo says:

    Um…yeah…I don’t like gravy either. LoL 😉

  2. poet says:

    GRAVY….OMG LOVE IT. oh , right, wipe the drool off my chin. there .
    i actually did know how to make gravy from scratch at 23, mom’s gravy was always awesome, perfect colur, perfect consistency, and i always tried to emulate it, and mostly with success…..except one time, it was for the Thanksgiving feast, try as i might, the gravy was clumpy, lumpy, pale and just gross. i called mom for assistance, and she just looked at it, asked me what i had done to that point, i told her, and she took over, and even she (the gravy queen) could not rescue it. we use flour generally, my mother in law at the time used corn starch, always looked the right colour, but clear, like gellatin, eeuuww, i like a thick, brown gravy that pours over my mashed taters, not jello looking stuff. anyway. i am getting wordy here this could be its own post. 🙂 k does the cooking here mostly, and she makes a to die for gravy. the christmas feast had the best gravy ever, and like you, i could have taken a bath in it and licked it all off, it was that MFG 🙂 happy holidays to you and yours from me and mine~

  3. joanna says:

    I have to say that I have tried many of your recipes and they have all been delicious. Now I want to try the Prime Rib…maybe next Christmas. Thanks for sharing you are the BEST!!!

  4. Poppy says:

    That looks delicious. That’s funny, I had forgotten that fact about my ex, but mine didn’t like gravy either.

  5. Oregon Sunshine says:

    Pickled Herring… I’m going to have to say that next time someone wants my meatloaf recipe. First, I don’t give it out. Not even to BP. After all, he wouldn’t need me any more if he could make it on his own! In fact, I made meatloaf tonight because both BP and Kitty asked for it. She HATES her stepmother’s meatloaf, some abomination made with both doritos and fun-yuns. And no, I won’t teach her either until she moves out, just so her father can never, ever again taste heaven through my meatloaf.

    • Tiffany says:

      ~grin~ I posted my meatloaf recipe for all the world to see. I’m not convinced anyone else could make it as well as I do even for that, though. And I get chuffed every time the kids rave about my cooking.

  6. sherry says:

    That gravy phone call story is HILARIOUS!

  7. Taoist Biker says:

    I laughed out loud when I got to “hemlock.”

    OS: Funyuns and Doritos? WTF?!?!

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