Every Grief is New

Posted: October 26, 2010 in Family

Thanks, everyone, for your kindness and condolences. The funeral is this Saturday. Bill is going to be a pallbearer (as is Robert), and I think having a role in the proceedings will be of comfort to him.

Bill and I have the rest of the week off – we’re blessed with employers who provide bereavement leave. We’re going to take Grandmother out for lunch on Thursday and just provide as much support as we can. When we left there on Sunday evening, leaving her alone in the house, I had an almost overwhelming urge to just burst back into her living room and proclaim my intent to live on her couch for the rest of my days. I didn’t want her to be alone. But, for all I am aware of, perhaps being alone is just what she wanted at the time.

I can’t help but recall my feelings when my own Grandma died – the days leading up to her passing, the way I felt when I got the news, the gathering of relatives, the funeral and burial. I don’t know how I’m going to react during Grandpa Ed’s viewing, services, and burial. It doesn’t matter that I’ve had far too much experience with this kind of thing – every grief is new.

I’m trying to be supportive to Bill, and to his sister Karen. Karen, I think, must be impacted more than anyone else save Grandma Claudine. She has been a rock, supporting the two of them for the past ten years and more. Seeing them both almost daily, and helping them with every issue that has come their way since their health began to fail. And so I find myself on the “other” end of things, where I can only offer what help and condolences I can, and know that every comfort is fleeting at best. It is my grief too, to be sure, but so much more theirs.

I pray every night that we can all hold everything together, and keep the drama between certain family members to a minimum. This time is for Grandpa Ed, and Grandmother Claudine. Weddings and funerals, sure and certain events to drudge up drama. Much better to recall the kind, loving, and spiritual man who was truly cherished in life, and sadly missed in death.

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Comments
  1. Jayne says:

    I’m sure everything will be OK. A funeral is the very last place to let family chemistry swamp what is a very difficult occasion for everyone and people do somehow seem to understand that.
    Sending love to you and your family…

  2. Taoist Biker says:

    “Every grief is new.” Such true words, my friend.

    You and Bill and the family have been and will remain in my thoughts.

  3. Dyskinesia says:

    Thinking of you both tonight, and as I was, I loaded up my iTunes for a little background. The shuffle was on, and when I pressed play, Yanni’s “Face in the Photograph” came front and center. I thought it was a most appropriate song for remembrance and wasn’t just random that it came on as I was thinking of your family and your Grandpa. Love you both.

  4. Tiffany says:

    Thanks, everyone, for your continued kindness! I have the most lovely friends in the world.

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