Bill – “How come they don’t want you to eat or drink beforehand?”
Tiff – “They don’t want me to aspirate.”
Bill – “Aspirate? I thought they were working on your vagina?”
Tiff – “OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO LAME.”
Oh, the hars!
We got to the doctor’s office a few minutes before my 12:30 appointment. We hung out in the waiting room for a few minutes, then the tech called us back. She went through all the standard questions – including “Do you feel safe at home?” Bill and I exchanged grins. Then the doctor came in and asked me if I had any questions, which I did not. Then the anesthesiologist came in, asked a few questions, and got my IV going (quoth I, to Bill, “If this were Jen, she’d be passed out by now.”) Bill and the anesthesiologist were having a rather graphic conversation about this particular field of science that got my palms all sweaty, so I (probably not so nicely) asked them to QUIT.
Then it was time to go to the procedure room, so I shuffled along behind the anesthesiologist (now having successfully spelled it three times I can consider myself complete). Bill peeled off to go back to the waiting room. The procedure room was small and crowded with equipment, which surrounded the table with the stirrups of doom. I kind of awkwardly stood off to the side, trying not to jar the hand with the IV in it, while the anesthesiologist hung the IV bag and searched for a drape. He couldn’t find one, so he left me alone, standing there next to the table, while he went off in search of one. I recall thinking to myself, “Well, if I hadn’t been nervous up until this point, being left alone in here would have done the trick.”
The anesthesiologist came back, followed by the tech, who instructed me to remove the lower half of my clothing, sit on the table, and cover up with the drape. They left for about thirty seconds so I could do that, and tapped on the door just as I planted my nekkid ass down on the table. Then the room seemed crowded, with me on the table, the doctor at my feet, one tech off to the right of me, and another tech and the anesthesiologist off to my left. It took the doc quite some time to get the stirrups (which held the legs, really, not the feet) arranged to her satisfaction. Then I was arranged to her satisfaction. The anesthesiologist put an oxygen mask over my face and told me he was going to start the sedation. He said it would probably sting but the stinging would pass quickly. I asked why the manufacturer couldn’t make something that didn’t sting, and he said something about it acting so fast that it was just the nature of the beast. I noticed myself getting fuzzy quickly – I told him, “It doesn’t sting.” He blinked at me, then said, “Oh! Well, I forgot that I put something in it so that it wouldn’t sting.” The last thing I remember saying is, “Okay, thanks for lying to make me feel better,” at which he laughed, then I was out.
Then I was awake again, alone in the room with just the tech. I recalled having a dream, and had a song stuck in my head (Hey Soul Sister by Train), of which I immediately informed the tech. She said, “Oh, I like that song!” She kept talking to me, and helped me sit up after a few minutes, then helped me stand. She helped me with my undies and put a pad in for the spot bleeding I was sure to experience, then helped me with my yoga pants (they’d said to come dressed in something loose and comfortable) and flip-flops. We shuffled back to the exam room, and she left me sitting on the chair while she went to fetch Bill.
I was still pretty fuzzy, but more like a nap hangover or a couple of shots of tequila. As the sedation continued to wear off, I started feeling cramping in my stomach, which was to be expected. The doc came in and told me everything had gone swimmingly, handed me some paperwork and told me to make a follow-up appointment in ten days. Bill helped me back out to the front counter, where we had to stand for a few minutes while someone before us was being helped. I asked Bill how long everything had taken, and he said it was forty minutes exactly from the time that he left me to go back to the waiting room, until the time they brought him back to me. So, total time in the office was under two hours.
We drove back home and Bill paused long enough to make sure I was situated on the couch, then he left again to pick up some Arby’s. The cramps were really kicking in by now, so I needed to get some food in me before I took a pain pill. I managed to eat about half of my sandwich and four fries, then went in the bedroom to lay down. I slept off and on for a few hours – Bill came in periodically to check in on me, and to give me water.
I HATE how I feel on hydrocodone. It makes me feel twitchy and all ear-muffled, with these random travelling itches that get me to scratching my left elbow, then my right knee, then my left eyebrow, then my nose, then the small of my back, and on and on. Twitch. Scratch. Twitch twitch. Scratch.
I got up for a few minutes, somewhere around six or seven, and managed to have a popsicle. The nausea started kicking in heavily, though. I felt better when I laid down, so I just stayed in bed and slept for the rest of the night. I think the nausea was caused by the pain pill, not the procedure itself, though I was still feeling cramps like a son of a bitch. Like, heavy period cramps. Nothing that couldn’t be dealt with or endured, but no fun for someone that doesn’t cramp all that much during “that” time.
This morning the cramps are much better – really just a heavy feeling in my tummy, now. I had some toast and a couple of mouthfuls of coffee before I took my other pain medication, 600 mg ibuprofen. No more hydrocodone for me! I’m still spotting a little bit, but nothing major. And the nausea is gone.
So, I’m just going to take it easy for a couple of days, but the whole process itself wasn’t bad. Really, if I had been able to avoid the nausea I would have said this whole thing was a piece of cake. I’m not supposed to work out for a week, no sex for two, and showers only – no immersion – for ten days. Oh, and I decided against getting the Depo shot after all. The doc gave me a three month supply of birth control pills should I choose to use them – I haven’t decided yet.
Let me know if you have any questions at all, I’ll try to fill you in as best I can.
Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes! They really mean a lot to me.