bow bow… chicka chickaaahhh

Posted: May 6, 2010 in bitching, Bring the funny, pets, WTF
Tags: , , ,

I have decided to never again enter one of Pioneer Woman’s contests or photo challenges. I never win, my photos never get picked, and all I am left with is SAD. VERY SAD. Because dammit, I want a Kitchenaid Mixer. Or a $500 B&H gift card. Or a Le Creuset casserole. Or a free copy of CS5. Or whatever else she’s giving away that day.


(Note that I have nothing against Ree, she just gets so much friggin’ TRAFFIC that there’s no chance in hell a randomly picked comment number would ever be mine.)

My editor for Beyond Megapixels has requested that I post a picture a day to the BMP Facebook page (which is here, by the way). I have no problem with that whatsoever, since it takes approximately six point three microseconds out of my day. What I do find annoying, though, is that among the nearly 600,000 “fans” of this particular page, are members of the Asshat Society for Idiotic Trolls. And these idiotic, trollish asshats post comments. Comments like, “First!” Or, “Second!” Or, “Seventeenth!” Or, “yO, dIs PiKsHuR iS dUm.” Or the asinine chain comment thingy, “OK guys, this truly is freaky, the phone literally rang as soon as I read the last wordl!!!!! I am taking the bait – what do I have to lose right? Hope it works! Supposedly The Phone Will Ring Right After You Do This. Just read the little stories and think of a wish as you scroll all the way to the bottom…”

GAH. And of course, because I want to see the WORTHY, CONSTRUCTIVE comments (though the only “constructive” comment I’ve received other than the “great pic!” variety is one person who loved the photo, but hated the frame I used), I self-tag the photo. Which means I get an e-mail for every comment. Including the asinine ones.

I have no point other than this: Facebook is surely annoying sometimes. Also, tRoLlS sUk.

Poor Ozzy and Zoe are both having a hard time of it lately. Oz has some digestive thing going on that is causing him to throw up often (well, more often than the usual hairball-induced hurls), and he just seems kind of… off. Listless, and needy. Zoe, on the other hand, is her usual chipper, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed self. She’s eating her fool head off and has turned into quite the chubba bubba. She does occasionally toss a hairball, which is to be expected with her wispy hair. But she’s limping HEAVILY and favoring her front left paw. Upon inspection, it looks like whoever had her declawed did a WRETCHED job; poor kitty is walking on little bone nubs where her knuckles used to be. They certainly don’t look like the smooth, normal-looking pads on Ozzy’s toes, and we had him declawed ourselves.

So. I went to PetSmart and bought some indoor formula cat food, plus some IAMS dry kibble for digestive health. I got some superfood to add to their canned food (this stuff), and some hip and joint gel (this stuff). I’m going to look into some sort of paw coverings (kitty socks!) for Zoe. Both cats are getting baths tonight, and I’m going to try to be better about brushing both of them to see if I can get this vomiting thing under control.

If they’re not better by next weekend, off to the vet we go!

Finally, something happened to me today in traffic that just cracked my shit up. See, I was driving along, when I suddenly had to slow WAAAAAAAAAY down for a little old lady who was driving, LITERALLY, twenty-three miles an hour in a forty-five. She was weaving gently from side to side, staying within her lane, but just barely. This scene popped into my head:

As I carefully passed her, I got a glimpse of her licence plate.

“D N R”

I totally lost it and started cackling. I’m sure she meant it as her initials, but the acronym, coupled with her creaky age, just struck hard at my sense of the hysterical. So, you know, if she keels over at the gas station or something, her final instructions are clearly stated for all to heed.

Har. I’m evil.

  1. crisitunity says:


    Just kidding. I don’t actually have anything much to say about this post except that it was a wonderful slice of the Tiff I love. And I also think trolls are horrid. The internet, you know, EVERYBODY’S THERE.

  2. Jeanette says:

    For the record I stopped entering contests at Pioneer Woman long ago. In fact, I stopped reading her altogether. Nothing against her just the traffic and million comments drove me nuts! Poor Zoe I feel for her. I hope her paw gets better soon!

  3. Jessica says:

    LOL! I hear ya! Too funny!

  4. Tiffany,

    Thank you for your kind mention of B&H Photo. Please accept our warm thanks and deep gratitude for your patronage. We look forward to earning your trust and continued business for many years to come. I invite you and your readers to check out our new informative and entertaining blog at

    Hershel K. Waldner
    B&H Photo, Video, Pro Audio

  5. Taoist Biker says:

    I want a troll hunting license. And an M-14 to go with it.

  6. angelcel says:

    Poor Zoe, the thought of de-clawing a cat is just alien to us over here – just another cultural difference. I hope both she and Oz get better soon. I know how much you love those two.

    I stopped reading Pioneer Woman long, long ago. As in real life, I prefer small groups to crowds. It’s nice when bloggers and blogees (?) can properly interact and I don’t see how that can happen at PW because of the sheer numbers involved. Maybe that’s just me…

    And Trolls: Trolls are the bane of everyone’s lives. I often wonder who they are. Would we know one if we met them IRL or are they apparently nice as pie, sitting at the next desk to us, smiling sweetly, but inside filled with seething venom and hatred?

    Hope everything’s OK round your way.

    • Tiffany says:

      She’s still limping, but it doesn’t seem to bother her overly much. She’s just as active as ever and tears around with her tail on fire most nights. If she’d just take her supplements like a good kitty she’d get better, but she’s all Fussy McFusserson.

      You know? I never thought of a troll as a real live person. Now I’m looking suspiciously at all of my cube neighbors. There’s one or two or twelve that seem to fit the personality type!

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