Okay, let me clarify that. Contrived romance pisses me off. Like those Kay Jewelry commercials? ALL of them? But ESPECIALLY the one where the stupid woman is scared by the stupid storm while she and her stupid significant other are holed up in their stupid cabin? And she flings herself into his arms when the thunder rolls as if to say “Oh, protect me from the so very frightening storm, my big strong man!”, and he says, “Don’t worry, I’ve got you” or some shit like that, and she says, “Don’t let go… ever.”


Or the one where the couple is walking through the neighborhood, and he says, “Do you remember that place?” And she says, “It’s where we first met.” And he says, “How ’bout that place?” And she says, “Our first kiss!” And he leads her to a park bench and she sits and he says, “How about here?” And she doesn’t remember, and he’s all smug and shit and says, “You will now,” and kneels down and gives her a ring and his eyes are all buggy and creepy and he’s trying so hard to slap a MEANINGFUL expression on his face that it turns out to be just EWWWWWW and OH COME ON ALREADY. Every time I see that commercial on TV I yell, “Say NO, bitch!”

Every kiss does NOT begin with Kay in OUR household, fuckyouverymuch.

You know what’s romantic? I’ll tell you what’s romantic. Coming home after a hellish day, that’s just part of an ongoing hellish week, and going immediately to bed for a nap. Then being woken up over two hours later by my very considerate husband who wanted to make sure I didn’t sleep too long and mess up my sleep that night. THEN stumbling out to the living room to sit in a headachy daze and blink at the TV. And THEN notice about fifteen minutes later that my husband had gotten up, gone to the kitchen, and was making dinner for us.

THAT is romantic.


Tonight I am getting wings and chicken fingers and fries and nachos from Teakwoods, and we’re sitting on our asses in our living room for six hours and watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics.

Tomorrow is Joss’ benefit party. Final raffle item total – TWENTY-NINE.

Sunday is Valentine’s Day, during which Bill and Amanda and I will probably go see Avatar.

Monday is President’s Day and I have it off and by GOD, I’m gonna read a BOOK.

Happy weekend, Happy Valentine’s Day, and Happy Birthday to Kim!

  1. Taoist Biker says:

    You know my standard schtick about diamond commercials. And one of my favorite internet pics.

  2. sherry says:

    I confess I do kind of like the “remember this place” commercial. But I hate diamonds. And I hate the whole “thou shalt buy your woman flowers and fancy chocolates and jewelry for Valentine’s Day” bullshit. I have nothing against flowers, chocolate, or jewelry but I don’t want those things because a commercial holiday says I need them.

    Romantic to me = Coming in from walking the dog and finding George washed all the dishes even though I said I’d do them when I got back. George taking the kids to the store tomorrow while I sleep in a bit. George buying me wine and chips just because he knows I like them. Romance on a big movie screen is sweet in the moment, but real romance is the little things.

    And now I have read and written the word “romance” so many times that I will not be able to get “Bad Romance” out of my head for HOURS.

  3. Bill says:

    Wow way to pull the wings off of cupid!
    Sounds like your feeling better. Oh and after checking out TB’s comment I was thinking about getting you a ring whatcha think?

  4. iamheatherjo says:

    For the record…YOUR romance sometimes makes me gag, too! Heehee!

    So there. 😀

  5. Amanda says:

    I must confess to emitting an “Awww” when I first saw the “remember this place” commercial.

  6. crisitunity says:

    I AM WITH YOU, SISTA. I read this post out loud to BF and we were cracking up. Also, TB’s link is hilarious, and Bill, good luck, buddy!

  7. […] boss saw a big sign on a florist’s yesterday that said “VD Specials.” I think Tiffany and I both appreciate that a lot more than any sappy shit our significant others could conjure […]

  8. David says:

    My wife and I have been together for 32 years. One time she called me the Anti-Cupid. It was a high compliment. Love is in the small things just as you say. Doing the dishes when it’s not your turn, etc. Her wedding ring came from my late mother, and before that a great grandmother I never met from my father’s family. My wedding band is from my wife’s grandfather. Happy V Day.

  9. Kimmothy says:

    I’ve always enjoyed having a birthday the day before V-day. Unlike people who were born close to Christmas and therefore get screwed, for my day people are concentrating on love and wearing red and being silly and I pretend it’s all for me. Plus Brian never screws me out of two separate presents, so that helps.
    I hate those commercials too. After suffering through one I always think to myself “Every kiss begins with GAY.” Because I’m very mature.

  10. Shelli says:

    I hear ya! A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog about all the “Hallmark Holidays” that I deplore. My Bill couldn’t believe what he was hearing when I told him I didn’t want a diamond ring, or any other jewelry or cards or sappy bullshit as a token of love and romance. I’ve told Bill that if he ever buys me flowers, for any reason whatsoever, he’ll regret it. LOL And he hasn’t!

    I’m happy that he shovels the snow when I’m not paying attention, and does dishes just because, and rubs my back when I ask (and sometimes when I don’t ask!), and opens doors, and holds my hand when we’re walking or just sitting and watching tv. THAT’s romance. And when I see a woman giving her man shit because he didn’t do something for Valentines, or hinting at what he should do, I want to walk up and smack her!

    Don’t even get me started on the commercials, or the diamond industry!

  11. Taoist Biker says:

    Oh yeah, I found another one of my favorites. Funny and slightly offensive, right down the ol’ TB strike zone!

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