Brace for impact.

Posted: February 1, 2010 in Bring the funny, Pimp, Video, Your Opinion Matters

Okay gang, here we go. This is your opportunity to boss me around. Use it wisely.

See, here’s the thing. I don’t think you all really truly UNDERSTAND what goes on in my head, in my household, in my life. I don’t think you truly FEEL the experience that is life with Bill. I don’t think you really GET the high drama, humor, and extreme levels of inappropriateness that goes on over here on a daily (hourly, minutely) basis. I don’t think you BELIEVE me when I say that Ozzy is out to get us.

Ladies and gentlereaders, I have purchased… A VIDEO CAMERA. One of these neat little Flip UltraHD’s, to be exact. I had a stash of Amazon Gift Certificates given to me by various co-workers and one boss who likes to recognize my work for the brilliance that it is. I WAS just going to buy a shit-ton of books, but then I thought that was a little selfish. Bill doesn’t know how to like to read, after all. And I wanted something we could both have some fun with.

Bill will, of course, want to take some highly inappropriate footage of my girly anatomy. Yes, he will. You KNOW he will. It’s a guarantee. Such videos will, of course, not make it out into the public for general viewing. BUT! I am willing to do some PG-13, and even R-rated (for language and adult themes) videos for the enjoyment of my loyal minions.

So, this is your assignment. What should my first video blog be about? Do you want to see me dancing like a fool to Bust A Move? Do you want me to make Zoe pontificate about the meaning of life (she’d do it, you know)? Do you want Bill to demonstrate his version of the African Anteater dance? Do you want me to do some sort of monologue? Do you want a tour of my house? Would you like to experience first-hand what a typical conversation between me and Bill is REALLY like? Do you want me to teach you how to make a Harp Snakebite? Shall I prepare my World Famous Meatloaf and do my best impersonation/mashup of Julia Child and the Swedish Chef?

I don’t guarantee that I’ll be funny, witty, charming, intelligent, intelligible, or even entertaining. I just thought I’d mix things up a little around here. You guys are going to be RIVETED.

And I? Well, I will be DOOMED.

(I hate the sound of my own voice, and I always look like a retard on video. Ah, well, I have no pride! Oh god.)

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Comments
  1. Taoist Biker says:

    I think your video camera should go on the shelf for just a little bit…and the first one should be the first thing that pops into your head that makes you say, “Fuck that, I’m not even gonna type that, I HAVE to vlog it!!”

    Seriously, whatever comes to mind. You’ll know it when you see it. (Perhaps in one’a these here commenty thingamabobs.)

    Well, after the naughty bits. Gotta make sure Bill doesn’t jack me in the head in August, after all.

  2. jadesymb says:

    Bill to demonstrate his version of the African Anteater dance?!?!?!?
    TOTALLY!!! LOL

  3. dyskinesia says:

    I don’t know about what should be first, but:

    “Do you want to see me dancing like a fool to Bust A Move? Do you want me to make Zoe pontificate about the meaning of life (she’d do it, you know)? Do you want Bill to demonstrate his version of the African Anteater dance? Do you want me to do some sort of monologue? Do you want a tour of my house? Would you like to experience first-hand what a typical conversation between me and Bill is REALLY like? Do you want me to teach you how to make a Harp Snakebite? Shall I prepare my World Famous Meatloaf and do my best impersonation/mashup of Julia Child and the Swedish Chef?”

    …YES.

    😀

  4. iamheatherjo says:

    I have video of you singing your rendition of “Lovin Touchin Squeezin” around here somewhere. That was funny.

    The Anteater Dance to “Dead Man’s Party” was a hit.

    A tour of the house would be fun for your readers too!

  5. Kimmothy says:

    You. Are. BRAVE.
    I don’t have any productive input, but I’ll enjoy seeing whatever you do!

  6. Shelli says:

    Um … yes to all? That’s not asking too much, is it? 😉

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