All about the not doing of the pointless things.

Posted: December 18, 2009 in bitching, Headspace

(Be warned. I use a lot of naughty words in this post.)

Growl. I am a fat, lazy, good for nothing slob of a person who just wants to sit on her fat, lazy, good for nothing ass and eat Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels all the live long day.

I am morally, ecumenically, and grammatically against New Year’s Resolutions. I’m just not making them anymore. I can’t think of one New Year’s Resolution – not a fucking ONE – that I’ve followed through with in the past. So, what the hell is the point? There is none, I think. None at all. And I’m all about the not doing of the pointless things.

My mirror mirror on the wall tells me in no uncertain terms that all of this ass-sitting and caramel-eating is causing me to start to resemble a candy apple with two popsicle sticks stuck in its bottom. Not a flattering look for me, I assure you. My brain feels thick. I am no longer quick on the uptake. I have a soul-sucking lack of energy. It’s hard to be smart – which is a problem, for me. I’m a smart cookie and I pride myself on all of my Smarty McSmartypants-ness.

I feel like we’re starting to get over the hump, attitude-wise. It’s not happening fast enough for me, though. Depression, she is a bitch, and doubly bitchy when BOTH Calvin Bill (dammit!) and I suffer from it at the same time.

I’ve had enough, though. ENOUGH, I tell you (me). Enough wallowing, enough whining, enough sleeping for hours on end and not getting shit for nuthin’ done. It has been a completely POINTLESS way to spend the last two months, for the love of FUCK. I swear, I get so frustrated with my own damned self it’s enough to make me want to cut a bitch.

This weekend, I will get Caught Up (and unless you want a list like last Friday’s to become a weekly thing, you’ll just trust me when I say I have a SHIT-TON of SHIT to do, with all the SHITTINESS that ever SHAT a SHIT – some of that being literal, right there.). Next week I work from home on Monday, then have to deal with Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday (which will be a short day, I bet). Off on Friday, then on vacation for the following week. And during that time, BY CHRIST, I will get my motherfucking ass off the motherfucking couch (channeling Sammy J, there).

This nonsense is STOPPING RIGHT NOW.

  1. Taoist Biker says:

    I hear you, lady.

    Of course, I’m also an advocate of the theory that sometimes it’s the time to just say “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT GETTING CAUGHT UP” and in a fit of drunken giggling just moon the whole fucksticking pile and have it over with. Then you come back to what’s important when you’re goddamn good and ready, and the rest can fuck off for a while.

    If you need a pep talk, lemme know. As Jules Winfield would say, I’m the pep talk fuckin’ MASTA.

    In the meantime, as my dad would say, Merry Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve!

    • Tiffany says:

      Snort. I’m glad to see my language didn’t harm your delicate sensibilities.

      Well, I’m not going OVERBOARD this weekend, but I would like to walk a straight line in the back yard without stepping in a land mine, and get the Christmas presents wrapped, and de-pile the laundry, and make chili. Thus are my ambitions.

      Happy New Years Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve!

  2. Kami-O says:

    I gots some milk and cookie for you! lolol just kidding! I love u woman, tkae THAT with ya!

  3. Shelli says:

    I’d be right there with ya. But … I’m sick, and it’s snowing out side (expecting a fucking foot of fucking snow damnit!!), so I have an excuse to not do anything that I consider to be pointless. Like cleaning. Or anything, really. And even if I weren’t sick, the snow is enough of a reason! 😀

    • Tiffany says:

      Aww, man! Didn’t you just get over being sick? I hope you feel better soon! Enjoy watching the snow come down without having to go out in it.

      • Shelli says:

        Unfortunately, yes. At least 3 times a year for me. This one hit with no warning. Fine on Friday – by Fri night, sick as a dog. I’m thinking I may start oinking soon. 😀

  4. Kimmothy says:

    Sometimes I find once you get over that initial Getting Up Off The Couch literally or metaphorically (which of course is the hardest part), the momentum of doing stuff is enough to make you able to KEEP doing stuff and before you know it, you’ve done all the stuff that needs doing. And if anything, that does help to lift you out of the mental fog a little. I hope your weekend is a good one.

  5. David says:

    Can I please partake in this fuckety-fuck of a bitchfest? Just for the hell of it, cuz I’m HAPPY AS SHIT these days. And for NO REASON! Fuck sake! This post of yours, Tiffany, only cheers me up MORE!

    Two words: HAH!

    • Tiffany says:

      You are more than welcome to join the bitchfest! Heh, I’m glad it managed to cheer somebody up, anyway! Also? “HAH” is one word. 😀 Finally, may I please share in whatever pills you’re poppin to make you so flippin happy????

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