Posted: August 25, 2009 in Drama, Family

1iconpenToday I’m going to do something that I, personally, HATE it when other bloggers do (the grammar isn’t right, there, but I’m too lazy to figure it out). I’m going to mention that there is drama going on, without actually saying what the drama is, then wax verbose at how it’s all making me feel, all without going into any details.

Writing is how I deal with things.

I’m very sad today. There was a big blow out that has resulted in a lot of upset folks, and Calvin and I are kind of keeping distance from one another. The whole mess erupted very late last night, caused very little sleep to be had, and bestowed upon me one WICKED headache. Add to that the fact that Calvin had his round of tests with the cardiologist this morning, which left him feeling whupped and unwell (we find out the results on September 11). I have no idea how the other people involved in the argument are faring, but I can’t imagine it’s any better than we are.

So. I’m at work, he’s at home, parties aren’t speaking, and it all pretty much sucks.

I wish that it was a cultural or instinctual rule that people write down all of their negative feelings, issues, anger, and upset, formulate their arguments point by point, articulate their point of view (with no swear words, mind you), and exchange documents with the other party. Who would then answer each point with a counter-point of their own, and give the document back. Thus would an actual conversation take place, with far less misunderstanding than would occur during a shouting match where everyone is emoting and nobody is trying to resolve anything.

Yelling the words, “SHUT UP AND LISTEN,” does not, in fact, result in ANYONE shutting up OR listening. Who woulda thunk?

I have no idea how to fix this. None whatsoever. Keep on keepin’ on, of course, but there’s some big bad stuff hanging out there, words exchanged that can never should have seen the light of day and now cannot be un-said, and terribly hurt feelings all the way around.

Fucking drama. I HATE IT. I’m ill-equipped to deal with it. My immediate reaction is to try to force everyone to talk about it, but talking is SO not working, and probably never will work in this particular situation, regarding this particular topic. My next reaction is to just lay low and let it all blow over, but I’m really not sure if it will, this time. Certainly, relationships have been altered, as have perceptions.

I have no idea what the fallout of all of this is going to be.

Writing is not making me feel any better, dammit.

  1. Taoist Biker says:

    I have literally done that – written out all my shit and just handed it over. It has worked usually, believe it or not, but that has a lot to do with the audience as well. And if they’re not hearing it, or at least not yet, then you’re screwed.

    Sorry for teh badz. Hope your new paradigm resolves itself soon. In the meantime, do what I did yesterday and go watch Dr. Horrible again? Maybe?

  2. Life sucks sometimes. It would be easy if everything was about puppy dogs and rainbows, but that world doesn’t exist.

  3. jadesymb says:

    **hugs** of course!

  4. crisitunity says:

    I also wish things could be resolved with the exchange of documents. But many of the times I’ve tried to make it work that way, it…hasn’t.

    I’m sorry you’re in the middle of a mess. Let me know if I can help you somehow.

  5. AmyD says:

    You too?

    Wow. Only, the blow up is one I don’t care to fix and really don’t give a shit how the other party feels. Wow, I’m terrible and probably no help whatsoever.

    Thinking of you… shoot me an email if you want to vent. God knows I owe you BIG TIME.

  6. iamheatherjo says:

    I sowwy, sweet girl. You know where to get me if you need me. I’ve always got ears (and eyeballs for readin’) for you. Love you.

  7. angelcel says:

    Time is a great healer. Now everyone’s feeling bruised and raw but give it a few days and things will start to mellow. I hate conflict. I feel for you.

  8. Jean says:

    The hardest things to think about (for me – in this kind of situation – and lawd a mighty, I hate the trauma/drama, too! with a passion!) after a blow up of any proportion, are the truths that come out. Because there always are those truths. And they usually are pointed and hurtful.

    Not just the things that others say, but the things that I say, too. Putting those things back into the box is impossible. And indeed alters relationships. But it can be good, too. Hope this is true for this situation.

    Thank goodness time keeps coming to give the waters a chance to calm.

    Thnking of all of you involved!

    • Laura says:

      It’s true. There were some harsh things that came out of that “discussion” – some of them deserved, some of them undeserved. We’ll have to see how it all shakes out, but at least Calvin and I are right as rain. We never stay mad at each other for long!

  9. Calvin says:

    While it may not work for everyone I have found that after thirty years of talking to people and the same issues continue or in this case get worse my choice is to cut all ties and move on.
    At this point these people will never change and I do not want to have any part of the death or injury of them or someone else.
    It’s sad because the people in this case could have been “normal” and productive if they had put even half the effort towards good instead of drinking, drugs, child abuse…
    The worst part of all of this right now is the people that directly enable this and that is what keeps feeding this situation and allows it to continue today thirty years later.
    Strange what some people consider love and compassion.
    No worries this drama is over done gone and we are fine it’s not like if we never see these people again it will be a problem there has been nothing positive from them ever so what’s the downside.

    • Laura says:

      It’s true, I’m more angry at the folks that are enabling this particular situation (and we both know who I’m talking about) than the person who has been acting the fool for all these years. It’s almost like she can’t help it, but the folks who have been “helping” her all this time sure CAN help it.

  10. Jeanette says:

    I hate drama, too. It never solves anything. Hope all works out well for you.

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