Fack feck fick fock fuck. And sometimes fyck.

Posted: August 14, 2009 in bitching, Calvin, Drama, Motorcycle, WTF

motorSo, I mentioned in No Butts that Calvin’s motorcycle met with an unfortunate accident. Not, thankfully, while Calvin was on it. No, it happened in the dark, in the middle of the night, when no one was around.

If a motorcycle tips over in the middle of the night with no one around to see it, does it make a sound? Probably. GOD DAMMIT.

Somehow, sometime between Sunday evening at about 9:00, and Monday afternoon at 4:00, Calvin’s motorcycle tipped over in the garage. It took our two bicycles with it, and the mirror struck the side of the truck, breaking it off and leaving a dent in the driver’s door. I discovered this unfortunate scene as I was departing on Monday afternoon to return the camera lenses I rented for our vacation. I opened the garage door, and stood there for a good three minutes, just staggered. My brain couldn’t process what my eyes were looking at.

I stammered, “Calvin! Calvin, come here. Oh, hell, LOOK AT THIS.” He leaped from the couch and came hustling over to me. Then he, too, stood in the doorway, staring, dumbfounded. We took turns exclaiming to each other, “How the FUCK could this have happened?!?” We looked, we examined, we walked around and around the scene of the crime, we puzzed and we puzzed till our puzzlers were sore.

Because the thing is? It tipped over on the side opposite of the kickstand. So, somehow, it had to tip up, over, and past the gravity mid-point, to come crashing down on the right hand side. Nobody had been in the garage since the night before, when everything was safe and sound. The garage door was closed. Nobody has access except me and Calvin and Marie, and Marie had gone out the front door on Monday morning, not through the garage.

I forget, have I mentioned that Marie is living with us again? Anyway…

I was to the point of tears, I felt so bad for Calvin. The look on his face… he didn’t freak out, he didn’t curse or stomp, he just… looked. Ugh. It was heartbreaking. He’s OBSESSIVE about taking care of all his vehicles, but particularly his motorcycle. He’s been riding since he was, what, three? Four? And he’s NEVER LAID DOWN A BIKE (motocross doesn’t count). Not once.

Anyway. He muscled the thing back up (it weighs, what, 800 pounds? I was muy impressed) and conducted an examination. All told, the footboard is bent, the mirror is broken, and there’s a scratch on one of the pipes. Cosmetically, not too bad. When he started it up, though, it sounded very wrong. A pinging? Clicking? Something. He thinks that something leaked from some reservoir into the internal mechanics of the motor, while the bike was on its side (he can explain it, it’s beyond me). So the bike is going to the shop today to assess the situation.

Which, in turn, will cost us money. If it’s more than our deductible, we’re filing a claim (we took a bunch of pictures, but they’re on the camera, and I don’t want to depress you with images of the carnage). Homeowner’s or auto, we’re not sure. They’re with the same company, anyway. The dent in the truck is getting repaired tomorrow. Like Calvin said, “It’s like one of my favorite vehicles was smacked with another one of my favorite vehicles.” The Trailblazer is the nicest truck we’ve ever had, and the Vulcan is the nicest motorcycle Calvin has ever had. Fuckin’ figures, don’t it?

(Title blantantly stolen from Taoist Biker. I believe he would like me to apply his words to this entry, sympathetic as he will surely be to the whole motorcycle situation.)

  1. Taoist Biker says:

    YES. You are more than welcome to use those terms for this situation.

    That said, be very very very careful before turning it in to insurance. That’s how my bike got totaled. The shop I took it to, because of its own policy, had to mark everything that was even scratched as being replaced new. That is, if the frame is scratched, basically it’s totaled.

    If it were me, I’d replace the footboard and mirror myself and try to live with the exhaust (and, err, I know this from experience) but that’s me.

    • Laura says:

      Well, problem is, it’s not running right, so it HAS to go to the shop.

    • Calvin says:

      The shop manager says that since it has hydraulic lifters they may have leaked and or other stuff leaked into the top end while it was upside down.
      When I started it you can here the lifters tapping pretty loud.
      So if the top end has to come off it will not be cheap

      • Taoist Biker says:

        Uh, hell no. Fucking fuck, man.

        My bike didn’t have hydraulic lifters or anything so I have no clue. If it leaked into the top end, maybe they could just drain it all, flush it, refill it, and then refill the lifters instead of having to do a complete tear-down?

        I’m crossing my fingers for you, man. Damn.

  2. Kimmothy says:

    I think “fyck” pretty much says it all.
    I mean what the hell – is your garage haunted by a ghost who has a thing against motorcycles?

    • Taoist Biker says:

      If there is such a thing, then by god, I’m going into ghostbusting next.

      Who ya gonna call? Thass’ right.

    • Laura says:

      That’s funny! Calvin mentioned the same thing, what with my ability to hear conversations while lying in bed at night. I believe his exact words were, “Dammit, Laura, your ghosts fucked with my motorcycle!”

  3. dyskinesia says:

    Beyond double suck. 😦

    There were 2 earthquakes in Southern California during those hours, but they were both considerably under 3 with no one noting at USGS that they felt it in Arizona. Was the only thing I could think of. 😛

  4. crisitunity says:

    Booooooo. Sorry, hon.

    Animal jumped on it?

  5. boundandgags says:

    That totally sucks. Man, I feel so bad about that.

  6. iamheatherjo says:

    Ohhhh noooo! 😦


    Marie’s back home?

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