Posted: December 4, 2008 in bitching, Food, pets, photography

firedIt’s 8:30 in the blessed morning, and already I’m having a crappy day. ALL the animals in the house are ganging up on me today. I’m working from home because of that class this week, and I think the animals are thrown off of their routine. God knows what they originally had planned today, that I’ve now thwarted with my presence.

A couple of months ago we got the dogs a crate/cage thing, with a liner and a foam pad and a blankie and everything, because they’re old (Gypsy will be eleven at Christmas, and Gadget will be ten on Valentines Day) and it gets cold at night in the winter in Arizona (no, really!), and I wanted them to sleep inside. Even though they’re basically well behaved dogs, they do have a tendency to pee in the house if they’re left loose and unsupervised overnight. I figured I’d get them a comfy cage that was big enough for the both of them, but small enough that they wouldn’t pee where they sleep.

Uh, yeah. Guess I was wrong.

I got up this morning and went to let them out of the cage, and got hit with The Smell. One, or both, dogs had an accident overnight. I cursed at them profusely. Both dogs were looking rather desperate, so I let them into the back yard. I went back to the cage, gathered up the soiled bedding, and tossed it out onto the back patio to be dealt with when I was less ticked off. I went back inside and was gone for FIFTEEN SECONDS TOTAL, getting the cage itself to put in the back yard and rinse off. When I opened the back door, I caught Gadget in the act of peeing on the bedding AGAIN.

Fucking asshole dog. And I’m going to get “I told you so” crap from Calvin, who protested PROFUSELY when I spent $40 for a cage and $60 for a pad for the damned dogs.

So, yay.

On top of that, Oz has some kind of hair up his ass. He’s been trying to bury his cat food by scratching at the newspaper under his plate. He’s been racing around the house like his tail is on fire. He’s been stalking Zoe, who has been Bitchily Expressing Her Annoyance. I’ve had to shout him down off the counters twice, and just now had to get him OUT of one of the lower kitchen cabinets (apparently he wants chips? Cereal, maybe?). He raced upstairs and hit both of the locked bedroom doors, complaining when he couldn’t open them. “But the doors! Are closed! And locked! I must! Get In!”


(Who knew Oz could impersonate William Shatner?)

Finally, Lucy’s internal clock is all off. She must be getting ready to lay or something, because she’s been starting with her dig-dig-digging (female beardies dig a lot when they’re getting ready to lay eggs) at, like, five o’clock in the morning, and continuing alllllll daaaaaaay looooooong. This early rising is unusual because bearded dragons are dinural, so they fall asleep almost instantly when it’s dark, and usually don’t wake up until the lights in their tank turn on in the morning (about 7:00). Lucy’s obsessive dig-scratch-dig-bump-dig-dig-dig has woken me up two mornings in a row, now. I wish she’d just lay, forcryingoutloud. You can’t really yell at a bearded dragon to lay down and go to sleep and STOP WITH THE DIGGING ALREADY.

So far the only animals NOT on my shit list this morning are Kali and Cheeto. And if Cheet doesn’t eat this morning (he’s getting finicky in his old age and shows a MARKED preference for the less nutritious of the two types of worms we feed the beardies, and NO interest at all in any greens, veggies, or fruit) he’s getting added to the list. Which just leaves Kali, and the way my day is going thus far, she’ll probably bite me or something when I take her out of her vivarium in a little bit to give her a soak in the tub.

Calgon, take me away.


Aaaaaaand now I’m having computer problems. Note, if you will, that when I first started writing this entry, it was about 8:30. It’s now after 11:00. In amidst some actual WORK that I was trying to get done, I tried in vain to finish this entry. First the camera wizard wouldn’t load when I plugged in to offload some pics. I had to reboot several times. Then when I finally got the pics up on Flickr, I kept getting the “Stack overflow at line: 915” error that prevents me from being able to grab the code to embed pictures into this here little entry. I tried increasing the stack in the configsys file per this troubleshooting guide, but when I rebooted it still wasn’t fixed.

I was GOING to say, “The day is not a total loss, though. Because I have leftovers to look forward to.”

And then I was going to show this picture.

And THEN I was going to say:

“THIS is Calvin’s world famous skillet, which he made for dinner last night. I LOVE “breakfast for dinner” nights. What you see here is a combination of hashed brown potatoes, scrambled eggs, crisp-cooked bacon, seasoned burger meat, salsa, and cheese. This glorious concoction can be eaten out of a bowl, or wrapped in a tortilla as a burrito. With some lovely jalapenos. My preferred method of consumption.”

And THEN I was going to show this picture.


Fuck it. I’m going to get some more work done, deal with the reptiles, and longingly contemplate the beer in the fridge that I can’t indulge in until this evening.


(Edited at 11:16 to add, OH SURE. NOW IT WORKS. Here’s the first pic:


And here’s the second pic:



  1. Taoist Biker says:

    Breakfast burrito. For dinner. Yum.

    As for the rest, I say obtain the nearest, hugest bladed implement you can get your hands on (I’m thinking an axe or a ninja sword) and start screeching “Damn you damn animals, lemme introduce you to my friend Charles Darwin!!! TOP O’ THE FOOD CHAIN, BITCHES!!!!”

  2. You don’t have a house…you have a zoo!

    You should charge admission!

    “Come watch the incredible shitting dogs and eggs laying dragon…”

    Not to even mention the hungry snake!

  3. Calvin says:

    Ok I won’t say I told you so but… well I did!
    I’m so happy right now it’s not very often that you let me be right. And I have to agree with TB furry things and small children respond well to pain when words don’t work 🙂

    P.S. And sorry Heather I know what your thinking but it won’t work on me I like a good hard smack every now and then.

  4. Laura says:


    MTAE – I KNOW.

    Calvin – Shaddap. And next time I give you a good hard smack, you don’t get to complain! Hmph.

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