Got nuthin’.

Posted: October 3, 2008 in Headspace

Today, I am tired. I re-set the clock to give me an extra fifteen minutes of sleep this morning, but the way I feel, an extra fifteen hours still wouldn’t have been enough.

This is going to be a stream of consciousness entry. You have been warned.

Today I am not the person I want to be. I feel… off. Blurry. Things that need doing ain’t gonna get done. Tonight – this weekend, even – I just want to hole up and bond with my husband. Cook some yummy things (I made this last night and it seemed to take forever but I suspect it didn’t and I had some and loved it though it was so rich I couldn’t eat more than, like, a cup, and Calvin had a bite and hated it and dumped his out and had canned Raviolis instead and I was kind of miffed but I gave all the leftovers to Marie and that made me feel better). Watch TV – good and crappy both. Take naps. Snuggle with the cats. Veg out and stare into space.

I don’t even feel like READING. I’ll let you digest that for a minute.

The whole damned country – the whole world, even – is waiting for something good to happen. So I shouldn’t whine at my state of dissatisfaction when everyone else is right there with me, though that’s exactly what I’m going to do. In my head. Because the individual details and words and thoughts behind the whine are all rolled together so that they’ve become a frequency that’s humming along at the back of my skull. Plug into it and you can decipher the individual thoughts, but hear it at a distance and you think, “Ah, yes, a whine.”

I have nothing to give to myself and nothing to give to anyone else and that pisses me off. I hate being a pussy but that’s how I feel today so I’m just going to wallow and not even try to convince myself to Man Up. Some days all you can do is get to the end. Try not to piss too many people off. Try not to hurt anyone’s feelings. Try not to make things worse.

Fuck it. I got nuthin’.

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Comments
  1. Calvin says:

    Great I got something, you can help me change out the pump & motor in the hottub.
    I need someone to be on spider watch.
    Don’t worry about stuff you can’t change or fix, and hey it’s kind of cool, slightly overcast with a bit of a breeze right now.

  2. angelcel says:

    Spaghetti carbonara is nice but oh *so* rich (‘I can hear my left ventricle slamming shut as we speak’).
    Often when we feel emotionally drained it’s because our bodies are working to fight off physical infections like a cold. It’s the weekend, when you can slow the pace right down to suit you. Relax and be kind to yourself, no one expects you to jump through hoops. Take care my friend. { }

  3. Kim says:

    I know I’m late with the pet peeves, but maybe my bitching will cheer you up! Here goes:
    -I thought Florida drivers were bad. Then we moved back to SC. I won’t even go into details except to say I didn’t realize they allowed the functioning retarded to get driver’s licenses and own vehicles.

    -People who are the “expert” on everything. It doesn’t matter what you’re talking about – they’ve done it and they’ve done it better. And they’re more than happy to share unsolicited tips with you.

    -Text messaging – go anywhere where there is a gathering of teenagers or twenty-somethings (or hey, even thirty-somethings) and all you see are people intently typing into their phones. Ridiculous.

    -People in the customer service industry who act like they’re doing you a favor simply by doing their job. This is an epidemic in this town.

    -Loud-talkers in movie theaters. It’s rare these days we get to a movie, and when we do, I’d really like to get my $40 bucks’ worth and not listen to your important conversation.

    Wow. It seems as though all my peeves have to do with the human race. Doesn’t say much for how I feel about people, but I swear I do like some of them! I really do!
    I hope you have a great weekend and some good down-time. I know when you get re-charged you’ll feel a lot better.

  4. Jeanette says:

    Hey, sometimes you gotta do that..hole up for a day or two…relax..kick back and do a little attitude adjusting! Or..just let your hormones work themselves right again! Either way, we’ll see you when you’re ready!!

  5. Rebecca says:

    Amen, Laura!

    I feel the same way.

    I’m burned out on work, home and the state of our country – both politically and economically.

    And if I hear the word “Maverick” one more time I swear I will choke someone.

  6. Laura says:

    Calvin – SPIDER DUTY??? But that’s what I married YOU for!!!!

    Jayne – Definitely a once-a-year recipe. I did feel unwell all through Saturday but I’m better today, so it probably was a bug that gave me the blues. HUGS back!

    Kim – Oh, your #2 is a GOOD ONE. Grrrrrowl.

    Jeanette – Hah! Don’t tell Calvin it’s hormones! He’ll run for the hills!

    Rebecca – Did you see SNL last night, with Tina Faye doing her Palin thing again? She said at the end of the “debate”, “…and for my Joe Sixpack friends playing their drinking games while watching this… MAVERICK.” BWAAHAHAHAHAAAA.

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