Top Five Pet Peeves

Posted: October 2, 2008 in bitching, Listy goodness, WTF


People who blow their nose in restaurants. Less specifically, people who blow their nose in public, but really it’s while sitting in a restaurant that it completely irks me. I DO NOT like sitting in front of my food, hearing the chunks fly by a person’s nostrils as they hork their snot locker into a handy table napkin. Also, it begs the question, how do they know they don’t have snot all over their face when they’re done? How can they blow their nose and go about their business without minutely examining their face in the mirror to ensure there’s no “bats in the cave”, as Calvin puts it, or a booger hanging from their lip? Go to the bathroom or something to do that, wouldya?  GAAAAH.


Commercials that are fifty times louder than the program they interrupt. We’ll just be sitting there, calmly watching (say) Grey’s Anatomy at normal auditory levels, when the episode fades to commercial and suddenly… “FIVE. FIVE DOLLAR. FIVE DOLLAR FOOT LOOOOOOONG…” at, like, two hundred decibels. Is that necessary? REALLY?


I was going to try to narrow this one down, but there’s so many things that annoy me about other drivers that I’ll just have to list ’em. People who go slow in the left hand lane. People who swing wide to the right when they’re pulling into a driveway or street to the LEFT (and vice-versa). People who make mistakes or aren’t paying attention because they’re gabbing on their cell phone. People who make a mad flying dash from the far left hand lane allllll the way over to the right, crossing three lanes of traffic and going over the gore point to get to their exit. Keepers of the speed. And fifteen other things. It’s MY ROAD and people should just GET THE HELL OFF.


My loud talking, noisy typing, smelly lunch eating, TOENAIL CLIPPING cubicle neighbor from hell.


Neighbors who allow their dogs to bark NONSTOP at all hours of the day and/or night. The dogs that bark at AIR. The dogs that bark at TREES. The dogs that bark at NOTHING. Whose owners are SITTING RIGHT THERE AT HOME (and if WE can hear ’em, THEY can hear ’em), and nary a “Shaddap!” do we ever hear. So WE yell, “Shaddap!” And the dogs bark MORE. GOD DAMN SONS OF BITCHES.

There. That’s my top five pet peeves, and the topic was prompted by a conversation that Calvin and I were having at the bar last night, so he gets the credit. Leave a comment and tell us what yours are! You know, just the general daily petty little things – not the huge, social or socio-economic or environmental things like dying polar bears and discrimination and the election and stuff. I’m not feeling deep enough for that today.

(Also, THREE entries in one day?? Oh my stars and garters.)

  1. Taoist Biker says:

    Basically the drivers are my peeves. All of the ones you named. If I had my druthers, my next motorcycle would also have a 20mm antiaircraft gun attached so I could eliminate all these numbnuts bastards for the good of mankind.

    Also, lip synching, people who let their kids run wild in public places, and especially door-to-door salespeople/opinion pollers/etc.

    I had a lady come to my door campaigning for her daughter last year – had the daughter herself come by, I would have told her in no uncertain terms how I resented her travesty of a campaign for a previous office the year before. You know, in which she illegally claimed residence in the district in order to run, then acted all pissed off when her opponents called her on it (even though she narrowly won the election) and so she “resigned” from her office because the naysayers were “distracting from the duty of representing her district.” “Resign” my ass, you were holding the post contrary to the state constitution and fighting it all the way through the courts, you [insert long series of expletives here].

    Since it was her mother, I thanked her for coming by, closed the door, and promptly chucked the handouts.

  2. iamheatherjo says:

    For me? Errant shopping carts, unruly children and the parents who allow them to be that way. Grr…

  3. avitable says:

    I agree with all of those!

  4. Amanda says:

    In response to your #3 about drivers: you’ve been away from the east coast for too long, Laura 🙂

  5. Laura says:

    TB – Dude! You could totally go Thunderdome on their asses. Also, GAH. I’m impressed you held your tongue, though I guess you don’t want to lambaste the MOM for the fuck-ups of the DAUGHTER.

    Heather – Your shopping cart thing is a well-documented (and experienced) peeve. 😀

    Avi – Oh dear lord, we have something in common.

    Amanda – I KNOW.

  6. Kim says:

    OMG, I have so many I’m going to have to think about this for a little while. A comment on your #4 in the meantime – I sympathize completely. My cubicle neighbor is seriously mental. She conducts EVERY CALL on SPEAKER PHONE. She listens to LOUD ANGRY TALK RADIO. She too eats smelly lunches. She curses after she hangs up on almost every person she talks to. She also taped up the vent last year because she was convinced poisonous particles were coming through. Yeah. My nickname for her is “Crazy.”

  7. angelcel says:

    OPCs (other people’s children) have always been a source of aggravation. I don’t find OPCs cute and adorable at all I’m afraid, especially when they are climbing over/under the table at restaurants, and generally misbehaving as (numbskull) parents smile on indulgently.

    Yep – shopping trolleys left *in the middle* of the aisle at supermarkets as ditsie wanders off to find something. Aaaarrrgggghhhh!

    Mobile phones. We did just fine before they were invented. Why have they become like the adult version of a child’s pacifier? I hate the buzzing, the beeping, and worst of all the tunes and silly noises they make when they ring. I don’t want to hear your phone conversation in a public place. Worst of all? People who answer the damn things when you’re having a face to face conversation with them. Now that one makes me twitch with pent up anger…

  8. angelcel says:

    Oh and yes Laura, I HATE THE ADVERTS THAT SCREAM, YELL AND BOOM AT ME IN THE BREAKS even though we’re *told* they’re at exactly the same volume as the programmes. …Yeah, pull the other one …

  9. Taoist Biker says:

    Aw hell yeah, going thunderdome! Put us in a cage with a big ol’ mallet and/or a chainsaw. Two men enter! One man leaves! The other we sorta attempt to mop up but finally we give up and just let the goo soak into the dirt.

  10. Jeanette says:

    1. People who make every conversation all about them!

    2. People who constantly complain about everything.

    3. Vending machines that don’t dispense the product.

    4. People who smack the keys on their keyboard when the computer is not doing what they want!

    5. People who walk through a door when you hold it open and don’t say thank you!

    All work related that’s the kind of morning I’m having!

  11. K says:

    People who talk loudly on their cell phone, people who are talking on cell phones while also talking to other people (i.e the cashier at Target), people who text while driving…grrrr.

  12. Calvin says:

    All that have been listed so far but #3 & #5 are my buttons.
    To add to the keeper of the speed is the blocker. The guy that see’s you coming up behind him and moves over to keep you from passing and then becomes a keeper of the speed, we should be able to kill them.
    And it always has but even more now with the new truck is the asshole that has to park right next to you and cannot seem to open his door without hitting your car with his door. And it always seems to be a complete POS that does it.
    So when you find your door caved in it was me.

  13. Laura says:

    Kim – I know, like, twelve people like her at AcronymCo. Shudder.

    Jayne – OPC tick me off, too, if they’re not expected to behave in public. LOVE those parents that just let their kids go through with their tantrum, thinking it’s better to ignore them. GAH. Also, I hate those folks that walk around with the bluetooth earpiece cellphone. I can never tell if they’re talking to me, themselves, or someone else.

    TB – Ew.

    Jeanette – Your #4 made me laugh. And it seems like every guy that I work with is guilty of #5.

    K – I can’t even text while sitting still, I don’t understand how anybody can do it while driving.

    Calvin – Sounds like you and TB would like to modify your vehicles with a little armament…

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