Guest Entry – Kim

Today’s guest entry is written by frequent commenter, Kim. Heck, after reading this I think we should all encourage her to start her own blog!

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It’s strange to tell you that even though I’ve been married to my husband for nine years, I’d only met his older brother three years ago. It was the first time Brian had actually met him too, and there’s a very long, Jerry Springer-esq story behind it we won’t get into here. Suffice it to say this past Labor Day we had a family reunion and it was the first time all of us had been around each other for any length of time. We stayed at a great beach house in Beaufort, South Carolina and along with the excitement of getting away for the first time all Summer, I was also fairly nervous. I remembered the brother’s wife, (my sister-in-law) as being tall and blond – in other words, me-opposite but also fairly quiet and nice. I anticipated the weekend with optimism, which for me requires effort. And sometimes medication.

After we got home, I started uploading the vacation pictures to share with the family. I was reliving the weekend, thinking I really liked my sister-in-law. Let’s call her Toni, because that’s her name. I thought, “Yes! Even though she’s 5’10”, evenly tanned, the proud owner of a brand new set of boobs and has naturally waist-length, pin-straight blond hair, I still like her! Go Kim, you have come a long way overcoming your insecurities, you mature woman, you!” I was so damn proud of myself, I may have even given myself a cookie.

Once I had a day or so to think about it, however, I started thinking I may have jumped the gun on the whole positive attitude thing. I realized the only things we have in common is the fact our husbands share the same father and the brand of cigarettes we smoke. (Pretend like you didn’t read that last line – smoking is BAD, bad I say!) But okay, fine. I know it’s possible to get along with someone you don’t have much in common with. But then little things started trickling back into my mind, little unsettling things. Not-so-rosy memories that make me think maybe I wanted to like her so much, I looked over some things at the time.

Such as.

They have two kids, we have no kids. That’s cool. I’m friends with many parents and their kids, so this isn’t an issue for me. We were all sitting around talking and the subject of reading came up. Well, alrighty! Here’s something I can discuss with great enthusiasm and knowledge! I brought up the fact that after all these years, I’ve finally started keeping a list of books I’m reading in 2008. I said I figured I’d end up with fifty or so by the end of the year, making it a book a week. But, and I wasn’t saying this in a bragging manner in any way, I said here we are at the end of August and I’ve just started on book number 53! Shit, I’m as shocked as anyone (except my husband, who’s also read that many, if not more). My step-mother-in-law (his family is really effing confusing if you’re not paying attention) said, “Wow, Kim – I knew you read a lot, but that’s awesome!” Toni, on the other hand, kind of looked at me with a puzzled head tilt like she couldn’t comprehend what I was saying. She didn’t say anything for a minute ( VERY uncomfortable), then finally said with a slightly condescending little giggle, “Wow, you sure must have a lot of free time! I wouldn’t even have time to read, with how crazy work is and lookin’ after these wild children and everything.” (Say it to yourself with a southern accent to get the full effect.)

Okay. First of all, I HATE when people say they don’t have time to read. Do you have a lunch hour? Do you ever go to the doctor and wait in the waiting room? Ever get stuck in traffic on the interstate? Do you crap? You have time to read, bitch. You choose not to. Which is FINE. I understand not everyone shares my unnatural love of books. But don’t act like your Big Important Job (of which she talked about A LOT) and two little kids keep you from reading. I know plenty of people who manage all of the above. In fact, one of my favorite bloggers has FIVE young kids and she reads enough so that I’ve taken two of her author recommendations recently and discovered two new favorites. So DO NOT tell me you don’t have time to read and make me feel like an asshole for being a book nerd!

Just little moments like that throughout the weekend are making me think, no. Maybe I was right in hating all female creatures tall, tan and blond. (And fake perfect boobs – don’t freaking forget those!) My asshole detector is usually pretty right on, but for the sake of keeping things pleasant in the family, I’ve decided to put my big girl panties on and decide to still like her.

For now. Let’s see how Thanksgiving goes before I make my final decision.

My boobs may be boringly real, I am very, very far from tan, and I’m not getting any taller than 5’4”. I guess I could choose to be tan too, but…I don’t have TIME to tan because I’m too busy READING.