Guest Entry – Kim

Posted: September 24, 2008 in blogs, books, Friends, Journal, Pimp, Readers Choice

Today’s guest entry is written by frequent commenter, Kim. Heck, after reading this I think we should all encourage her to start her own blog!


It’s strange to tell you that even though I’ve been married to my husband for nine years, I’d only met his older brother three years ago. It was the first time Brian had actually met him too, and there’s a very long, Jerry Springer-esq story behind it we won’t get into here. Suffice it to say this past Labor Day we had a family reunion and it was the first time all of us had been around each other for any length of time. We stayed at a great beach house in Beaufort, South Carolina and along with the excitement of getting away for the first time all Summer, I was also fairly nervous. I remembered the brother’s wife, (my sister-in-law) as being tall and blond – in other words, me-opposite but also fairly quiet and nice. I anticipated the weekend with optimism, which for me requires effort. And sometimes medication.

After we got home, I started uploading the vacation pictures to share with the family. I was reliving the weekend, thinking I really liked my sister-in-law. Let’s call her Toni, because that’s her name. I thought, “Yes! Even though she’s 5’10”, evenly tanned, the proud owner of a brand new set of boobs and has naturally waist-length, pin-straight blond hair, I still like her! Go Kim, you have come a long way overcoming your insecurities, you mature woman, you!” I was so damn proud of myself, I may have even given myself a cookie.

Once I had a day or so to think about it, however, I started thinking I may have jumped the gun on the whole positive attitude thing. I realized the only things we have in common is the fact our husbands share the same father and the brand of cigarettes we smoke. (Pretend like you didn’t read that last line – smoking is BAD, bad I say!) But okay, fine. I know it’s possible to get along with someone you don’t have much in common with. But then little things started trickling back into my mind, little unsettling things. Not-so-rosy memories that make me think maybe I wanted to like her so much, I looked over some things at the time.

Such as.

They have two kids, we have no kids. That’s cool. I’m friends with many parents and their kids, so this isn’t an issue for me. We were all sitting around talking and the subject of reading came up. Well, alrighty! Here’s something I can discuss with great enthusiasm and knowledge! I brought up the fact that after all these years, I’ve finally started keeping a list of books I’m reading in 2008. I said I figured I’d end up with fifty or so by the end of the year, making it a book a week. But, and I wasn’t saying this in a bragging manner in any way, I said here we are at the end of August and I’ve just started on book number 53! Shit, I’m as shocked as anyone (except my husband, who’s also read that many, if not more). My step-mother-in-law (his family is really effing confusing if you’re not paying attention) said, “Wow, Kim – I knew you read a lot, but that’s awesome!” Toni, on the other hand, kind of looked at me with a puzzled head tilt like she couldn’t comprehend what I was saying. She didn’t say anything for a minute ( VERY uncomfortable), then finally said with a slightly condescending little giggle, “Wow, you sure must have a lot of free time! I wouldn’t even have time to read, with how crazy work is and lookin’ after these wild children and everything.” (Say it to yourself with a southern accent to get the full effect.)

Okay. First of all, I HATE when people say they don’t have time to read. Do you have a lunch hour? Do you ever go to the doctor and wait in the waiting room? Ever get stuck in traffic on the interstate? Do you crap? You have time to read, bitch. You choose not to. Which is FINE. I understand not everyone shares my unnatural love of books. But don’t act like your Big Important Job (of which she talked about A LOT) and two little kids keep you from reading. I know plenty of people who manage all of the above. In fact, one of my favorite bloggers has FIVE young kids and she reads enough so that I’ve taken two of her author recommendations recently and discovered two new favorites. So DO NOT tell me you don’t have time to read and make me feel like an asshole for being a book nerd!

Just little moments like that throughout the weekend are making me think, no. Maybe I was right in hating all female creatures tall, tan and blond. (And fake perfect boobs – don’t freaking forget those!) My asshole detector is usually pretty right on, but for the sake of keeping things pleasant in the family, I’ve decided to put my big girl panties on and decide to still like her.

For now. Let’s see how Thanksgiving goes before I make my final decision.

My boobs may be boringly real, I am very, very far from tan, and I’m not getting any taller than 5’4”. I guess I could choose to be tan too, but…I don’t have TIME to tan because I’m too busy READING.

  1. Jayne says:

    Hahaha…perfect! You have no idea just how much I can identify with this. And yes, Laura’s right – you *should* be writing your own blog. 🙂

  2. Kim says:

    I keep trying to comment and it’s not working.

  3. Kim says:

    It’s called Laments and Observations on Google Blog and the url is

  4. Kim says:

    I also have one on Myspace, but that’s a little embarrassing so we won’t discuss it!

  5. Jen says:

    I have a two year old, a bun in the oven, and I work full time. I’m on book 58 this year. 😀

  6. Laura says:

    Jayne – I know it! I cracked up.

    Kim –, right? I was just over there, WHY have you been hiding, girl??? I “favorited” you right away! Also, I have a MySpace as well – aren’t they all embarrassing? ~grin~ Now, would you like to come over to our house for Thanksgiving instead?

    Jen – counting audio books and graphic novels?

  7. Kim says:

    Jen – I knew Laura kept track of her books and I know another blogger who used to, but I think I’m the only person I know IRL who does it. I guess that’s because all my friends are functioning illiterates.

    Laura, Thanksgiving would be great, but I’d much rather come to your LOBSTER CHRISTMAS DINNER!!!

  8. Jen says:

    that’s just counting the actual books read.
    my list is here:
    and I’m not sure where to count the post secret books….. graphic novels?

  9. Taoist Biker says:

    Read while you tan?

    I’m 5’9″, partially tan, and naturally blonde (when I let my hair grow). Don’t hate me! 😀

    I dunno how many books I’ve read this year. I normally have 3-4 going at a time so it may take me a month to go through them but I do. Right now it’s Jarhead, a Sports Illustrated collection of Great Football Writing, and an older, somewhat right-wing book on shooting by Col. Jeff Cooper called To Ride, Shoot Straight, and Speak the Truth.

  10. iamheatherjo says:

    Hahaha!!! What a great entry.

    I’m 5’10”, I have pin-straight dark blonde hair (I color it brown) and my boobs are naturally fabulous…and I read! I don’t bother keeping track of how many books I read in any given amount of time though, I don’t really care. Most of my parent-type friends manage to find time to read and we even find time to talk about books too. She was just being a condescending dumb-ass.

    I was just told by one of the guys I worked with “I hate people who read”.


  11. Kim says:

    TB – How is the Col. Cooper book? My husband LIVES for conservative political stuff and anything having to do with military stuff. I mostly stick with fiction, biographies and memoirs.

    Iamheather – Someone who HATES people who read? Sounds like that guy needs to get laid. Or maybe he just needs a hug?
    I know everyone doesn’t enjoy reading, but personally I couldn’t imagine life without it.

  12. iamheatherjo says:

    I’m gonna go against the grain and say that I love my MySpace. 🙂

  13. Calvin says:

    I still say books is stoopid! Laura reads a lot but it never gets in the way of personal time or priorities so who cares.
    I think in the name of science and my perversion Kim should post pics of her and the sister-in-law’s boobs just so we know what all the fuss is about.
    And just so we have a good baseline Heather you can send some also 🙂

  14. Laura says:

    Kim – You’re totally invited!

    Jen – I’d say in your regular ol’ books section.

    TB – Quit braggin’, you sessy thang.

    Heather – Quit braggin’, you sessy thang.

    Calvin – Oh, laws. Where’s my eye-rolling emoticon?

  15. Megan says:

    I wonder how well her children can read, then? I line the kiddos up on the couch, each with a book, and we all sit down and read. Well, she was probably feeling threatened and acted defensively, but–really, what kind of example is she setting?

  16. Kim says:

    Calvin – yeah, for some reason every time she was in her bikini my camera seemed to be all put away in its case all packed up 🙂 – my husband thinks I did that on purpose…hmmm.

    Okay, so now that everyone’s coming out of the Myspace closet, let’s all be friends! On there my name is Kimmothy and my email is

  17. Taoist Biker says:

    Kim – if your husband likes military/shooting/politically conservative stuff, then he’ll absolutely eat up the Cooper book. I like some parts of it very much – I was something of a gun nut in high school and used to enjoy Col. Cooper’s column every month in Guns & Ammo.

    There are some arch-conservative things repeated there that I definitely don’t agree with, but I can still read them without my head exploding. And there are parts of it that definitely are off in right field a bit – suggesting designing your house so that there are intersecting fields of gunfire at each possible entrance? sounds a bit extreme – but overall it’s interesting to me. I especially enjoy the practical shooting advice he doles out. I don’t shoot much anymore, but I enjoy reading about it.

    It’s somewhat hard to find, though. I had to do an interlibrary loan to get it after it was recommended to me.

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