I was born in a small town

Posted: May 22, 2008 in meme, Memory Lane

From Heather:

1) You can name everyone you graduated with.
Practically – I was 14th in a graduating class of 98.

2) You know what 4-H means.
OMG. Brad had a calf he showed in 4-H. (Which means, by the way, Head, Hands, Heart, and Health.) “I Pledge My Head to clearer thinking, My Heart to greater loyalty, My Hands to larger service (hah, I originally typed “lager service”, and wouldn’t Service to Budwiser make sense??) and My Health to better living for my Club my Community my Country and my World.”

3) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or in the middle of a dirt road. On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the scratches on their legs from running through the woods when the party was busted. (See #6..)
Or the Lake, or the middle of Morrison field, which doubled as the t-ball field on weekends.

4) You used to ‘drag’ Main.
Um, no, but only because we didn’t even have a Main street.

5) Most people went by a nickname.
HELL yeah. Bubba, Rumpy, Guy, Stumpah, and Jeans.

6) You scheduled parties around the schedules of different police officers, because you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn’t.
There weren’t no cops round where we lived. Nearest was the next county over. I’m even too country for THIS list.

7) You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough, they’d tell your parents anyhow.) Besides, where would you get the money?
Oh Jesus, yes. The lunch lady, the drug store lady, the hardware store lady, the gas station guy, and the grocery store lady all knew my family.

8 ) When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
Nah, we just rolled our own in a pack of Zig-Zags.

9) You knew which section of the ditch you would find the beer your buyer dropped off.
Yeah… sure. It was beer. Sure.

10) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.
Guys from Auburn were soooo cuuute.  RIGHT KIM?

11) The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
Had to. It was a lockdown.

12) You didn’t give directions by street names but rather by references. Turn by Nelson’s house, go 2 blocks to Anderson ‘s, and it’s four houses left of the track field.
Directions to my Grandmothers: Take 115 to 231. Follow 231 till you get to the Penny Road Store. Go over the bridge, take the first road to the right, next to the big run-down barn. Take the dirt road past the pond, turn left, Grandma’s house is at the top of the hill.

13) The golf course had only 9 holes.
Golf? We ain’t never heard of no golf. There’s put-put up Old Orchard Beach way, though.

14) You couldn’t help but date a friend’s ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
Or, just date your ex over and over and over again.

15) Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
Your car also stayed filthy because of “mud season”, beer bottles, and dog hair.

16) The town next to you was considered ‘trashy’ or ‘snooty,’ but was actually just like your town.
BWAAA! That’s so true. New Gloucester has 4300 residents and is considered “cow country” compared to Gray’s 6900.

17) You referred to anyone with a house newer then 1950 as the ‘rich’ people.
Nah, there weren’t no rich folk round our parts.

18 ) The people in the ‘big city’ dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend 2 years later.
Yep, like three pairs of socks with the cuffs of your peg-leg jeans stuffed in ’em. They still dress like that, I think.

19) Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station or the dairybar.
Eventually, yes. You could call ’em up on the CB.

20) You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends driving a grain truck to school occasionally.
My sister drove the “Chariot” as her main transportation for several years. A tractor with a wooden bench and bed hand-built onto the chassis.

21) The gym teacher suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
No, but the shop teacher missing three fingers recommended ROTC.

22) Directions were given using THE stop light as a reference.
There WAS only ONE light in my town, and it was flashing red in one direction and flashing yellow in the other.

23) When you decided to walk somewhere for exercise, 5 people would pull over and ask if you wanted a ride.
Walking wasn’t a decision – if I was walking on the side of the road it meant I broke down, and it didn’t take long for someone I knew – even out in the middle of nowhere – to stop and offer help.

24) Your teachers called you by your older siblings’ names.
“You’re Wendy’s sister, right?”

25) Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents.
My teachers were my parents’ contemporaries.

26) You could charge at any local store or write checks without any ID.
Hell yes. We had “credit” everywhere, and there was no card involved.

27) There was no McDonalds.
Nope, nearest one was 25 miles away.

28 ) The closest mall was over an hour away.
Close! 48 minutes.

29) It was normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.
Lawn mower, John Deer tractor, snowmobile, four-wheeler…

30) You’ve pee’d in a cornfield.
Corn, hay, alfalfa… any kind of field ya got.

31) You laughed your butt off reading this because you know it is true, and you forward it to everyone who may have lived in a small town.

  1. Taoist Biker says:

    Yep. I can relate. More to the point, though, my wife posted this as a Myspace bulletin about 2 years ago, and I wish to HELL that I could find my smartassed commentary on it.

  2. catnip35 says:

    I saw your comment at Clusterfook’s about wanting to go back to Maine. I grew up in a small town in Maine too – this was hilarious!

  3. I too born in a Small village 🙂

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