Our Story: A Prologue

Posted: May 8, 2008 in best things, Calvin, Drama, Family, Headspace, Home, Journal, kids, Memory Lane, Warm Fuzzy

To say that Calvin is the love of my life is an understatement. Since they haven’t come up with a word that means “all the love in the world and then some, and then some more”, I’ll have to settle with the word in all its simplicity. Maybe I’ll make up a new word.

Calvin is also my best friend – if you tell me something in confidence, that confidence had better include Calvin (for this there are very, very few exceptions – so few that I can’t think of any right now). Calvin is such an extension of myself that I feel less comfortable, less like myself, when we’re not together. He makes me more… me.

I understand him. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one that “gets” him, and he’s the only one that really “gets” me. Even when he’s making me mad (infrequent that it is), I still get him. I can make the connections and see his perspective even when we’re mid-argument (he can see mine too, but that confession doesn’t come until later). I let the stuff that needs to roll off, roll off; I let the stuff that needs to sink in, sink in.

I mean it literally when I say that Calvin saved my life. Not only in the heroic swooping in, kicking ass, and taking names that he so kindly performed during the whole drama with my ex; but also in helping me find my way back to myself, and then loving me even more when I did.

The me that existed at the beginning of our relationship is not the same me that exists today. I’ve done a lot of growing and changing over the ten years that we’ve been together. That growth and change could have meant dark things for our relationship; some people grow apart instead of together. We just got better, stronger, and deeper.

Calvin pushed me when I needed a push, slowed me down when I needed to pace myself, spoke when I needed to listen, and listened when I needed to speak. My inner mouse was slain, and now even if my strength is sometimes used against him (I actually insist on having things my way, sometimes, and voice the differences of opinion that I never would have voiced as the “old” me), I believe that the fact that I have this strength, now, is a source of pride for him.

I would also like to think that some of my “good stuff” rubbed off on him, but he’ll have to write a guest entry some day to talk about that. Which will probably take a multi-state petition with over 5,000 signatures to get him to do. Shall we start on it now?

We are in daily defiance of the statistics. Most of us already know that the divorce rate in America after a first marriage is from 41% to 50%. A figure many may not know is that divorce rate after a second marriage is from 60% to 67%, and even as high as 70% when figuring in blended families (such as ours). Those same statistics say that marriages between couples who live together before getting married fail between 70% and 85% of the time, and marriages where the couple’s relationship started as an affair fail up to 75% of the time.

We’re not perfect (shocker!). We never claimed to be. But our relationship and family grows stronger with every passing day and year. Thirteen years of friendship, ten years of living together, and six years of marriage, and Calvin and I are still ridiculously happy with one another. As Calvin is fond of saying, “I’ve never been this happy for this long, this consistently, in my life.” The four of us – me and Calvin, Michael and Marie – are happy and healthy and solid. We are all better now, together, than we ever had been or would be in our old lives. We took very bad circumstances, from our failed first marriages and the lives that me, Calvin and the kids endured, and turned it into a special kind of happiness that brings new meaning to the words “love”, “family”, and “home”.

So!  I am currently working on “Our Story” (alternate title, “How I Met Your Father”?) and it will be forthcoming within the next week. I’m having a lot more fun writing about my relationshp with Calvin than I did the whole saga about my ex. I hope you all enjoy it.

  1. Elissa says:

    Yea!!! Looking forward to reading your entries about the beginning of you and Calvin. 🙂 The way you write about Calvin is similar to how I would write about my hubby – IF *I* was a writer. 🙂 I wish that everyone could find their mate – it makes life so much…. better.

  2. Jen says:

    is this going a kissing story?
    Do we have to read the kissing parts?


  3. Taoist Biker says:

    I sure as hell HOPE it’s more fun!

    Looking forward to it.

  4. Heather says:

    That is why I don’t tell YOU stuff I don’t want to talk to HIM about. (I’m with Jen! Heehee!)

  5. cynthea says:


    Been reading you forever, rarely comment. Sorry.

    I’m so excited to read about you and Calvin, it’s ridiculous.

  6. Amanda says:

    Yahoo! I was hoping you’d write about you and Calvin!

    Oh, and put my name down to have Calvin write a guest entry about you!! 4,999 signatures to go!

  7. Jean says:

    Not perfect? Heather told me you guys WERE perfect. Dang. Another false image dashed.

  8. Laura says:

    Elissa – the world would certainly be a much better place if everyone could find their “lobster” (ala Friends).

    Jen – you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means.

    TB – thanks!

    Heather – Oh GREAT. What have I been missing, I wonder?

    Cynthea – I’m glad you de-lurked! 😀

    Amanda – Might have to throw an arm-twist in there, too.

    Jean – Now where’s the fun in perfection?? 🙂

  9. Heather says:

    Aww sweet girl, I figured out early on and have worked around the fact that you tell the boy every-f’n-thing whether I wanted you to or not and then quite often I’d get his opinion about it…whether I wanted it, or not. Hahaha 😉

  10. […] by Laura on June 10, 2008 (Here’s the prologue, here’s part one, plus the editorial note, here’s part two, here’s part three, and […]

  11. […] by Laura on June 13, 2008 (Here’s the prologue, here’s part one, plus the editorial note, here’s part two, here’s part three, here’s […]

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