cope (-a cabana)

Posted: May 25, 2007 in goals, Headspace, Journal

My ability to cope seems to have taken a hiatus today. I’m stressy – the stressors are no different today than they were yesterday, but for some reason they’re on my conscious mind today and messing with me.

I had a job interview over the phone with a company in Maine this morning. It went well, I think… they like it when you ask them questions instead of abandoning the interview as soon as the, “Tell me about a time when…” questions are over with. Conversely, the success of the interview started me worrying – what if they actually offer me a job and the compensation is enough to make it worth our while to move to Maine? Will we be able to sell the house? What will the kids do? Should I leave AcronymCo with my tenure and four weeks of vacation a year and another sabbatical coming up in two years? Will Calvin be able to find a job? Will he want to kill himself (or me) halfway through the first winter? Will convenient access to J’s Oysters be enough to compensate for that? Will we have to live apart for an undetermined amount of time??? God forbid on that one.

Did you know that acid reflux feels remarkably similar to anxiety? I just took a Rolaids (I’ve been living off of ’em, and Tums, and Mylanta, and Pepto…), and I have another appointment with the doc the first week of June. So is my physical discomfort causing my stressy feeling, or is my stressy feeling causing my physical discomfort? (“Yes.”)

One at a time, the things I’m stressing over are not hugely urgent. But together for some reason they feel like they’re taking me over. And it’s not like they’re unresolvable, panic-inducing concerns. I’m just being a BDB (that’s Big Damn Baby) today.

Problem: The house is a complete disaster.
Solution: Clean it until it is clean.

Problem: The truck is still in the shop.
Solution: I have a rental car, so I am still mobile. And the truck’s under warranty.

Problem: The kids (well, Michael primarily) have not left the nest.
Solution: Have a serious discussion with them (him) tonight about what their (his) plans are.

Problem: There are many things we need to do to the house to prep it for potential sale.
Solution: Get a storage unit this weekend and get started offloading the clutter. Make a list of all the stuff that needs to get done.

Problem: My health.
Solution: Doc’s appointments next week and the week following, plus a renewed (again!) determination to eat better and exercise regularly. Until I give up again next week.

Problem: The sprinkler/drip system is on the fritz.
Solution: I have contacted our landscaper to get us a new control box.

Problem: We (I) are (am) still conflicted about moving, jobs, staying, going… will we progress or will uprooting ourselves send us into a spiralling descent into destruction that will leave us having to work for the rest of our lives?
Solution: Beer.

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