The DFC uses her words.

Posted: April 19, 2007 in Journal

One of the entrances/exits into my neighborhood is situated in such a way that I have to cross two lanes of busy traffic and through a gap in the median in order to get into the southbound lanes on my route to work. This gap in the median is also frequently used as a U-turn for southbound traffic wanting to reverse direction.

This morning as I pulled up to the exit lane of the neighborhood, a (fat, sweaty) man in an overloaded work pickup pulled wide and stopped sideways across our neighborhood entrance lane, pulling up to face me as he waited for me to get out into traffic so he could complete his U-turn. The problem was, he was situated in such a way that I had to hang back and try to see the traffic coming north through his windshield. I couldn’t pull forward to see past him because I would have been halfway out into traffic, and I couldn’t see over his bed because it was piled high.

So I’m craning my neck to see past him, he’s getting impatient, and then a little old lady pulls up behind him trying to get into the neighborhood. I gestured to the guy that someone was behind him and that he should just pull into the neighborhood and turn around in a driveway. He gestured to me to GO ALREADY. I gestured to him that I couldn’t see past his (fat, sweaty) ass and didn’t feel like getting into an accident today. The little old lady crept around his tailgate and drove between us.

The guy rolled down his window. I rolled down mine. He spoke first.

“There’s twenty fucking feet in front of you. If you would just pull up you could see past me…”

“…you dumb fucking cunt.”

I blinked, momentarily believing myself transported to New York City, not Suburbia, Arizona.

Then I leaned into my window, flipped him off, and said, “You have yourself a nice day.” I then sat there as opportunity after opportunity to get into traffic passed me by, effectively trapping him into awaiting my pleasure.

Oh my, did he turned red. Every time I turned my head in his direction to check northbound traffic, I smiled at him. And MAN did he fume. I made him sit there for probably only another sixty seconds, but I’m sure it felt longer to him.

Then, as I finally pulled into traffic, I waved at him. And he flipped me off. He got the last “word”, but I think I won.

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