Bandwagon, I has it.

Note, if you will, my new 101 in 1001 page.

Family drama

Family has been on my mind, lately.  Voluntarily, and forced.

Voluntarily, I am thinking about the grandbabies a lot.  Partially because this pic is inhabiting my desktop at the moment:

Lilly got re-married a couple of weeks ago, and her new husband has plans to formally adopt the boys. Michael has pretty much removed himself from their lives, so Lilly’s new husband will be the only daddy that they know and remember. I’m happy for her, and I’m happy that the boys will have a male role model involved in their lives. I am sad for Calvin and myself, though, because more and more distance is being put between us and the babies. We talk, we stay in touch, there’s presents sent on birthdays and Christmas. But it’s not the same as being actively involved in their lives.

They’re driving through Arizona next month, on their way from Texas to California. Lilly was reactivated to active status (Marines) and may be going overseas. Until that happens, they’ll all be living in California again. Which might allow for some weekend visits from the G-Rents! We shall see.

Other family stuff has been involuntarily thrust upon us. I don’t talk a lot about the drama coming from Calvin’s side of the family, but there has been plenty of it over the years. We have basically drawn lines down the middle of the family – one side for the reasonable people, one side for the unreasonable people. We, of course, are entirely reasonable, responsible, have good advice to give, and do not bring any of our own drama to the table. The “other side” thrusts their drama upon us with phone calls and judgemental arguments and shunning.

I actually have Calvin’s permission to be a lot more specific about the goings-on, but not sure that I’m up for the shit storm that would erupt thereafter. The interested parties used to read the website, but I have no idea if they do anymore. Perhaps I shall be braver later. Suffice to say, when Calvin told me his mom said she wasn’t speaking to us anymore, he said, “Do you suppose she means it this time?” To which I replied, “One can only hope.”

It’s not that I don’t want us to all get along. It’s not that I don’t want to like all of Calvin’s family members. And to clarify, I love them all, but liking is not a prerequisite of love. It’s just that certain members bring such negativity with every little amount of contact we have with them, that it just brings us down. It’s not worth it. There are certain fundamental differences between us in philosophy, morality, and opinion on a varitety of subjects (but lately, a few very specific ones), so getting along really isn’t an option if we’re going to be really truthful with one another. Sure, we can play the game and smile and grit our teeth and discuss such innocuous topics as the weather and the Cardinals, but anything deeper than that immediately results in an argument.

Calvin and I are soooooo tired of it all. We have enough of our own crap to deal with, that we DON’T dump into anyone else’s lap. At this point, if being shunned means that we’re out of the drama loop, I’m all for it. We don’t ask for this crap, but it keeps getting dished up anyway.

And then there’s Princess Marie, who owes Calvin an apology. We will be FedEx’ed snowballs from the Devil himself before that happens, so they’re at a stalemate. She lives with us, she still qualifies for (and desperately needs) parenting, she sasses with any sort of attitude she wants and then walks away when Calvin is still speaking to her. The child cannot take any kind of instruction or criticism AT ALL without getting defensive and angry. Which just goes to demonstrate how NOT grown-up she is, contrary to her belief and insistence. She has been allowed to get away with murder over the years in being able to sass back at every turn with little to no consequences. It’s a bit late to stop the sass, but the consequences have arrived. Pay rent or move out. Very soon.

We don’t believe in demanding respect just because we’re parents. We only accord respect to those people we feel have earned it, after all. Dammit all, though, I know for a fucking FACT that we have earned the respect we deserve from both of the kids. We seem to be getting a decent amount of respect from Michael, who has at least enough sense to stand there and endure a lecture when it’s directed at him. No respect is coming our way from Marie, though. She has become a poor household citizen, doesn’t do her fair share of work around the house, and completely dismisses any issues that her dog causes (she is SO destructive we’re almost in awe). Mind you, we did NOT want to add another dog to the household, but allowed Marie to bring Portia with her when she moved back in with us, after the very brief month she was moved out. The straw that broke Calvin’s back, though, was when Marie turned her back and walked away when Calvin was in the middle of speaking to her (she missed a day of work after being employed in her new job for barely two or three weeks. After she was fired from her previous job for being late too many times. Obviously she doesn’t need US to parent her anymore, oh no!). We both called to her to come back and sit down and listen, to which I believe I heard her respond with, “This is bullshit, I’m outta here.” And she walked out the front door.

Oh. Oh. OH.

I’ve demanded apologies from Marie before and have never received them. So, Calvin’s gonna have a loooong wait if he expects contrition from The Princess.

When we do finally move away, we’re not giving our forwarding address to anybody. We have had Had HAD IT.